Apologia

Lift not the painted veil which those who live Call Life: though unreal shapes be pictures there, And it but mimic all we would believe With colours idly spread, — behind, lurk Fear And Hope, twin Destinies; who ever weave Their shadows, o’er the chasm, sightless and drear. I knew one who had lifted it — he sought, For his lost heart was tender, things to love, But found them not, alas! nor was there aught The world contains, the which he would approve. Through the unheeding many he did move, A splendour among shadows, a bright blot Upon this gloomy scene, a Spirit that strove For truth, and like the Preacher found it not.

I was young but I wasn’t naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not burry if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you is blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we’d be here
Never thought we’d be here
When my love for you is blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you is blind
But I couldn’t make you see it
Couldn’t make you see it

That I loved you more than you’ll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

and I loved you more than you’ll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go

~ lifehouse

Well, I heard you say you would love for a lifetime
And now you complain that a lifetime just doesn’t feel right for you
Another casualty of casual love
Another soul out of place, a heart that gave up

Why do we break the promises we make?
Are we living for ourselves?

Don’t give up on love and throw it all away
Don’t give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain?
Don’t give up on love and throw it all away

Well, I heard you say you can’t change a stubborn heart
Yeah, I can relate, cause that’s how I feel when I talk with you

Why should it take losing everything
To realize it might be time to change?

Your restless heart won’t win
Cause you take, but you don’t give
And you’ll keep moving on until you learn what love is

~ sanctus real

It is said that when the tigress finds one of her young left behind by the hunter in order to delay her while he carries off the rest of her cubs, she takes it up, however big, without seeming over-weighted, and speeds only the more swiftly to her lair, maternal love lightening the load. How much more readily will the heart of a spiritual father bear the burden of a soul he finds craving after perfection carrying it in his bosom as a mother her babe, without feeling weary of the precious burden?

One thing more, dear reader. It is too true that I who write about the devout life am not myself devout, but most certainly I am not without the wish to become so, and it is this wish which encourages me to teach you. A notable literary man has said that a good way to learn is to study, a better to listen, and the best to teach.
- Introduction to the Devout Life: Preface

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I’m clean living.’”
I’m whispering “I was lost,
now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say… “I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow!

~ thanks Rose.

Just watched Wicker Park and ‘rediscovered’ The Scientist by Coldplay.

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let’s go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start

“Love makes you do crazy things, insane things. Things in a million years you’d never see yourself do. But there you are doing them… can’t help it.”

And the first blog of the year goes too… My cup overflows, written by Justin Yong!

Thank you! Thank you so much!

I want to thank the greatest fan of my life, God. Not because of who I am but because of what You’ve done. Not because of what I’ve done but because of who You are.

I want to thank my mum and dad. Thank you for trying over and over again and never giving up. I wouldn’t be where I am right now without you. Daddy, I hope one day I will be half the man you are. Mumsie, you are the queen of my heart, the love of my life and my best friend. I love you both.

I want to thank the rest my family and friends. You are the best anyone can hope for and dream of. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing your lives with me. You enrich my life with all your gifts.

I want to thank Fr. Mario Beverati. You have washed and kissed my feet. By your example may I wash and kiss the feet of others. I want to thank Sr. Edmunda, you are like my grandmother. I hope to one day learn the secret of your smile. I want to thank Sr. Virginia, you saw when my wine failed. Thank you for changing my water into wine and involving me, woman. I want to thank Sr. Francesca, you fill me with wisdom and understanding. Thank you for the gift of communication.

I’m told to wrap up now.

A special shout out to Daniel Bourke, my brother in Christ to whom I’m eternally grateful, Eugene Chong, who taught me about love and what it means to be a man and my godson Michael, it’s an honour.

Into you hands clement, loving and sweet Mother, I place this year of our Lord 2007.

My cup overflows!

‘YES,’ said Father Brown, ‘I always like a dog, so long as he isn’t spelt backwards.’

Those who are quick in talking are not always quick in listening. Sometimes even their brilliancy produces a sort of stupidity. Father Brown’s friend and companion was a young man with a stream of ideas and stories, an enthusiastic young man named Fiennes, with eager blue eyes and blond hair that seemed to be brushed back, not merely with a hair-brush but with the wind of the world as he rushed through it. But he stopped in the torrent of his talk in a momentary bewilderment before he saw the priest’s very simple meaning….

….He(Fr. Brown) stood up abruptly, his face heavy with a sort of frown, and went on talking almost as if he were alone. ‘It’s the first effect of not believing in God that you lose your common sense and can’t see things as they are. Anything that anybody talks about, and says there’s a good deal in it, extends itself indefinitely like a vista in a nightmare. And a dog is an omen, and a cat is a mystery, and a pig is a mascot, and a beetle is a scarab, calling up all the menagerie of polytheism from Egypt and old India; Dog Anubis and great green-eyed Pasht and all the holy howling Bulls of Bashan; reeling back to the bestial gods of the beginning, escaping into elephants and snakes and crocodiles; and all because you are frightened of four words:

‘He was made Man’.’

The young man got up with a little embarrassment, almost as if he had overheard a soliloquy. He called to the dog and left the room with vague but breezy farewells. But he had to call the dog twice, for the dog had remained behind quite motionless for a moment, looking up steadily at Father Brown as the wolf looked at St Francis.

~excerpts from The Oracle of the Dog.

Galatians 6:9
And let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.

——————–
In The Screwtape Letters, C. S. Lewis’ senior demon, Screwtape, explains to a junior demon, Wormwood, why God sends us “dry times:”

He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs — to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual temptation, because we design them for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot “tempt” them to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.

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Just a Word of Encouragement
from Mark Shea & Jeff Cavins

An Open Letter to My Girlfriend.

One of two things is going to happen to us. Either we’ll marry each other,
or we’ll break up. If we get married, we’ll have the rest of our lives to give
ourselves to each other sexually. And if we break up, that “past” could only
complicate things, for ourselves as well as for our future marriages. It couldn’t
help us.

So if I don’t “respond” to you, don’t think it’s because you’re not attractive
to me. It’s because you’re so attractive to me, and the desire is a lot stronger
than you know. I can’t “get started” with you, because if I let the desire get
stronger, it’d be too easy to do something we’d both regret.

I know your friends don’t understand how I could love you and not “make
love” to you. But I don’t care.

If we did “do it”, I’d be doing it for me. I’d be doing it because it feels good,
and telling myself it’s okay because I love you. But I wouldn’t be loving you. I’d be
putting you at risk. I’d be hurting you. I’d be using you and calling it love. That
couldn’t help us — it could only hurt us. It could hurt you.

And hurting you is the last thing I’d ever want to do.

~ excerpt from “No: Because I Love You”.